Jagger's Story

There have been many questions about our sweet Jagger and all that happened so I thought it was time to write it out to answer the questions and to maybe help me digest it a little more.
Tuesday June 11 I went in for my regular appointment. I had noticed over the last day or two I was feeling him a little less than I liked so I just let the doctor know. I knew that he had dropped a couple of weeks ago and figured it was the position he was in. After the regular check Dr. Heath wanted to hook me up for a non-stress test. After an hour of drinking juice and eating suckers we got very little movement so I was sent to Labor and delivery for more monitoring and an ultrasound.
The ultrasound lasted for 30 minuets and in those 30 minuets we only saw him move twice. I was then hooked up to an IV and Oxygen to see if either would help but he still didn't want to move. This whole time Jagger had a strong heart beat so I felt he was going to be okay.
After more phone calls to my doctor who then made some to a specialist it was decided I needed to be sent to St George for a better look with the high risk doctor.

I was given a steroid shot for his lungs and we made a few phone calls to our parents, then Jeff and Talon went home to pack some bags, just in case and I was sent to St George on an Ambulance. The doctor and his staff were waiting for me at the door when we arrived and I was taken straight back to the ultrasound room. As soon as he started looking he saw there were problems with his intestines.

 

After about 45 minuets of looking for other markers and problems I was taken back to my room for more monitoring. We knew he was coming out and that he would need surgery right away. While they could deliver me in St. George there are no pediatric surgeons and Jagger would need to go to Primary Childrens. We were given two options: one to stay and deliver in St George and life flight Jagger once he was stable or two: they got permission to life flight me to Primary Children's and deliver up there. 

Before we could even really make a decision His little heart had a couple of dips and they knew he needed to come out ASAP. My parents arrived just in time to take Talon as Jeff and I were taken back to the operating room. I was prepped and in surgery in about 20 minuets.

Our angel was born June 12, 2013 at 12:08 A.M. coming in at 4lbs. 7oz and 14 1/2 inches. 

I will never forget laying there completely helpless as the team ran around my little guy. The doctors working on me were discussing how bad his amniotic fluid looked and there was blood in the placenta as well. I remember hearing a few of the nurses and the assisting doctor say what a good call it was to get him out so fast.  Jeff made it until Jagger was born and then was forced to leave when he passed out. The Anesthesiologist was great and answered the million questions I asked and talked me thought everything they were doing to me.

The next hour and a half they worked on Jagger, getting tests done, iv fluids in and starting lines they would need. Somebody was always by his side and filling me in on what was going on. Jeff took some pictures of him and brought them back so I could see what he looked like and how his stomach looked. I was shocked to see all his hair and how dark he was. We always joked we would have a baby that had the dark features from the Garduno side... and we did! He was perfect.

Once he was all ready they packed him up and brought him into my room so I could see him before they took off.

It was after 2:00 A.M. when they finally took off and I got a text around 6 that they had arrived. The next few hours consisted of more tests for Jagger, talking with doctors and more tests. Everything they ran came back inconclusive and an exploratory surgery was planned between 12:00-1:00 that afternoon. 

Once they started we were told it would be an hour or two before they were done and would keep Jeff updated. Jeff said it was only about 20 minuets before they came back and sat him down in the room...

Hearing the words "He's not going to make it" will forever be burned into my heart. The fact that Jeff had to be the one to tell me hurts even more. It was an incredibly difficult phone call that words cannot come close to describing. The Doctor spent a good amount of time with me on the phone trying to explain everything the best he could. I was numb. It didn't feel real, it didn't feel like my life, my whole world felt like it was snatched away in those six words.

It seemed so unfair. Our perfect little boy didn't even get a fighting chance. His organs had flipped while in utero and because of that it had cut off the blood supply. His whole small intestine was gone and about 90% of his large intestine. His stomach and bladder were not good either. There was a procedure that could transplant intestines but because he was born two months early and the small percent it works on on healthier/stronger children it wasn't an option.

After the worst phone call of my life more calls were made. My dad had gone back home after we thought all would be well, so he was called to come back. My brother and his family were on vaction in California so they had to be called as well. Luckily all but one of Jeff's siblings is in Utah and as soon as his sister got the call they were on their way.

Jagger was placed on life support to keep him alive until I could get up to him. I was released 30 long hours after my c-section and could not get to him fast enough. The next few hours went so slow. We had to stop in Cedar for a couple of things... The night before my mom and the nurses called around to see if we could find a blessing outfit small enough for Jagger. Of all the places Christensen's in Cedar had one so we had a friend pick it up for us.

Once we had that I ran home to shower and grab a few more things. We all packed up and were back on the road within 45 minuets. Once they knew I was on my way they began the task of taking him out of the NICU into his own private room.

We arrived around noon and I went straight past everyone to my boys. There was a room full of nurses and they filled me in on a couple of things then all left. Jagger's head nurse sat outside our door the whole time we were with him. I let my parents in for a little bit to say hi and snap some pictures while we got to hold him for the first time, then sent everyone out.

We were still waiting on my Brother to fly in so we let the Grandparents hold him for a short time. It was difficult to see him in pain and each time we moved him you could see it in his face.

Jordan arrived with my Grandparents and they got to meet Jagger. After all the holding we decided to give him a break before the nurses had to dress him for us. There were so many tubes and lines we thought it was best we left that part to the professionals.

Everyone gathered into the room and once Jagger was placed in Jeff's arms the men circled around. The words Jeff spoke in Jagger's blessing were beautiful. He gave him a very special blessing and it was such a comfort to know he has a bigger purpose. We as a family have some big shoes to fill because we have been blessed with such a perfect son and brother.

After the blessing we talked for a few minuets then asked everyone when they were ready to say goodbye to Jag. Again what a horrible horrible thing to witness... Aunts, Uncles, Grandmas, Grandpas and siblings saying goodbye to an angel is impossible to imagine.

 

I have heard many say you know when it's time, or you have a moment of clarity and I too can say that both Jeff and I knew when it was time to let him go. Jagger passed away in our arms shortly after 10 that night. He spent 44 precious hours with us and has been missed every second since. 

There were many precious moments I will cherish for the rest of my life with our little boy. Our family will never be the same and I am so grateful to be Jagger's mom.

 

We were blessed with a photographer from Now I Lay You Down to Rest who was able to capture the little time we had beautifully. These are just a few shots she was able to get for us. What a priceless gift anyone could ever give!

 

 

 

Pure perfection this little boy of ours!