Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Jagger's Story

There have been many questions about our sweet Jagger and all that happened so I thought it was time to write it out to answer the questions and to maybe help me digest it a little more.
Tuesday June 11 I went in for my regular appointment. I had noticed over the last day or two I was feeling him a little less than I liked so I just let the doctor know. I knew that he had dropped a couple of weeks ago and figured it was the position he was in. After the regular check Dr. Heath wanted to hook me up for a non-stress test. After an hour of drinking juice and eating suckers we got very little movement so I was sent to Labor and delivery for more monitoring and an ultrasound.
The ultrasound lasted for 30 minuets and in those 30 minuets we only saw him move twice. I was then hooked up to an IV and Oxygen to see if either would help but he still didn't want to move. This whole time Jagger had a strong heart beat so I felt he was going to be okay.
After more phone calls to my doctor who then made some to a specialist it was decided I needed to be sent to St George for a better look with the high risk doctor.
I was given a steroid shot for his lungs and we made a few phone calls to our parents, then Jeff and Talon went home to pack some bags, just in case and I was sent to St George on an Ambulance. The doctor and his staff were waiting for me at the door when we arrived and I was taken straight back to the ultrasound room. As soon as he started looking he saw there were problems with his intestines.
After about 45 minuets of looking for other markers and problems I was taken back to my room for more monitoring. We knew he was coming out and that he would need surgery right away. While they could deliver me in St. George there are no pediatric surgeons and Jagger would need to go to Primary Childrens. We were given two options: one to stay and deliver in St George and life flight Jagger once he was stable or two: they got permission to life flight me to Primary Children's and deliver up there. 
Before we could even really make a decision His little heart had a couple of dips and they knew he needed to come out ASAP. My parents arrived just in time to take Talon as Jeff and I were taken back to the operating room. I was prepped and in surgery in about 20 minuets.
Our angel was born June 12, 2013 at 12:08 A.M. coming in at 4lbs. 7oz and 14 1/2 inches. 
I will never forget laying there completely helpless as the team ran around my little guy. The doctors working on me were discussing how bad his amniotic fluid looked and there was blood in the placenta as well. I remember hearing a few of the nurses and the assisting doctor say what a good call it was to get him out so fast.  Jeff made it until Jagger was born and then was forced to leave when he passed out. The Anesthesiologist was great and answered the million questions I asked and talked me thought everything they were doing to me.
The next hour and a half they worked on Jagger, getting tests done, iv fluids in and starting lines they would need. Somebody was always by his side and filling me in on what was going on. Jeff took some pictures of him and brought them back so I could see what he looked like and how his stomach looked. I was shocked to see all his hair and how dark he was. We always joked we would have a baby that had the dark features from the Garduno side... and we did! He was perfect.

Once he was all ready they packed him up and brought him into my room so I could see him before they took off.
It was after 2:00 A.M. when they finally took off and I got a text around 6 that they had arrived. The next few hours consisted of more tests for Jagger, talking with doctors and more tests. Everything they ran came back inconclusive and an exploratory surgery was planned between 12:00-1:00 that afternoon. 
Once they started we were told it would be an hour or two before they were done and would keep Jeff updated. Jeff said it was only about 20 minuets before they came back and sat him down in the room...
Hearing the words "He's not going to make it" will forever be burned into my heart. The fact that Jeff had to be the one to tell me hurts even more. It was an incredibly difficult phone call that words cannot come close to describing. The Doctor spent a good amount of time with me on the phone trying to explain everything the best he could. I was numb. It didn't feel real, it didn't feel like my life, my whole world felt like it was snatched away in those six words.
It seemed so unfair. Our perfect little boy didn't even get a fighting chance. His organs had flipped while in utero and because of that it had cut off the blood supply. His whole small intestine was gone and about 90% of his large intestine. His stomach and bladder were not good either. There was a procedure that could transplant intestines but because he was born two months early and the small percent it works on on healthier/stronger children it wasn't an option.
After the worst phone call of my life more calls were made. My dad had gone back home after we thought all would be well, so he was called to come back. My brother and his family were on vaction in California so they had to be called as well. Luckily all but one of Jeff's siblings is in Utah and as soon as his sister got the call they were on their way.
Jagger was placed on life support to keep him alive until I could get up to him. I was released 30 long hours after my c-section and could not get to him fast enough. The next few hours went so slow. We had to stop in Cedar for a couple of things... The night before my mom and the nurses called around to see if we could find a blessing outfit small enough for Jagger. Of all the places Christensen's in Cedar had one so we had a friend pick it up for us.

Once we had that I ran home to shower and grab a few more things. We all packed up and were back on the road within 45 minuets. Once they knew I was on my way they began the task of taking him out of the NICU into his own private room.

We arrived around noon and I went straight past everyone to my boys. There was a room full of nurses and they filled me in on a couple of things then all left. Jagger's head nurse sat outside our door the whole time we were with him. I let my parents in for a little bit to say hi and snap some pictures while we got to hold him for the first time, then sent everyone out.

We were still waiting on my Brother to fly in so we let the Grandparents hold him for a short time. It was difficult to see him in pain and each time we moved him you could see it in his face.

Jordan arrived with my Grandparents and they got to meet Jagger. After all the holding we decided to give him a break before the nurses had to dress him for us. There were so many tubes and lines we thought it was best we left that part to the professionals.

Everyone gathered into the room and once Jagger was placed in Jeff's arms the men circled around. The words Jeff spoke in Jagger's blessing were beautiful. He gave him a very special blessing and it was such a comfort to know he has a bigger purpose. We as a family have some big shoes to fill because we have been blessed with such a perfect son and brother.
After the blessing we talked for a few minuets then asked everyone when they were ready to say goodbye to Jag. Again what a horrible horrible thing to witness... Aunts, Uncles, Grandmas, Grandpas and siblings saying goodbye to an angel is impossible to imagine.
I have heard many say you know when it's time, or you have a moment of clarity and I too can say that both Jeff and I knew when it was time to let him go. Jagger passed away in our arms shortly after 10 that night. He spent 44 precious hours with us and has been missed every second since. 

There were many precious moments I will cherish for the rest of my life with our little boy. Our family will never be the same and I am so grateful to be Jagger's mom.
We were blessed with a photographer from Now I Lay You Down to Rest who was able to capture the little time we had beautifully. These are just a few shots she was able to get for us. What a priceless gift anyone could ever give!

Pure perfection this little boy of ours!

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Monster Birthday

We often call Talon our little monster so it was obvious his 1st birthday would be monster themed. I started planning things a few months before and I was lucky enough to have my mom come up a few days early to help put it all together. Everything turned out so cute!
We had sub sandwiches, candy skewers, monster eyes, chips and a few other fun things. 
My mom and I stayed up late the night before the party to finish the monster prop... she came up with the brilliant idea and I have to say it turned out adorable!

We had a small gathering of close friends and family. Most of our friends don't have kids yet so Talon was the only little one.. he was okay with that though he loves being spoiled!
Our boy LOVED his cake! I wasn't sure what he would do but the kid dove right in!

Enough was enough... he went all in

And just a few more of him opening presents. Once he got that ball he was done!

We are so lucky to have so many people that love us and our little man! Thanks to everyone who came and shared this special day with us!

Friday, May 11, 2012

First hair cut

On Talon's 1st Birthday we decided to give him his first hair cut. I won't lie I was dreading it! To me his hair was the only thing left from birth and keeping him my little baby! As you can see the first cut was the hardest for me...
 It was time for a cut though and I'm fully aware of that..
At first he just tried to see what you were doing and follow the sound of the buzz...
 and then we was over it by the time mom got in there...
 The handsome little man after his bath. I could just squeeze those cheeks!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Talon turns 1!

Talon turned one back in January. I don't even know where to start when it comes to our little guy!
 The year went by so fast it kills me! Right before Christmas Talon took his first few steps but, he waited at least another month to really take off. We've come a long way from the days he wasn't gaining enough weight, just take a look at his stats at one year:
24 lbs 8 oz- 74 percentile
31 1/2 In.- 91 percentile
Head 47 1/4 cm.- 73 percentile
We want you to know how much you are loved. Your mom and dad would give the world for you and as we look back at your first year my heart swells with being able to watch you grow and become the little man you are! It's hard to believe how much you have changed us and everyone around us. You decided your favorite person living creature in our house is the dog. Your dad didn't believe me when I told him you said Diddy, but it quickly became your favorite and only word for a while. Every morning you wake up, get your milk and go to the back door and knock on it until he comes to say hi. We are so lucky to have a dog that loves you and puts up with all that you do to him! It's been a few months but luckily I wrote down some things you did around your first birthday:

You LOVE your Diddy still!
You like to talk on skype
You can say Dad, Diddy, Mom
You finally started to do some sign language and can sign Dog
You love balls
You still love books
You like to empty out drawers and cabinets!
You get excited when Dad comes home
You LOVE your food!
You are still on formula but we mix half milk half formula
You no longer take a bottle
Your favorite blanket is a mini snuggler, a puppy dog one and the one Aunt Holly made you

 You are an amazing and perfect little boy. I love spending my days with you and sharing all the new things you are quickly learning. Life couldn't be better, we sure love you little man!!

Monday, March 12, 2012

New Year

New Year's eve isn't quite what it use to be, but I'd have to say it's MUCH better!! Right before Christmas we got the news that some of our best friends were moving. So we tried to squeeze as much time in with them as we could. We had everyone over at our house, ate some delicious food, chatted and played some minute to win it games. 
Mark and Greg trying to keep the balloons  up
 This was by far my favorite to watch

And I couldn't leave little man out! He is to die for.. even with food on his face!

I have to admit we miss them a ton! These are the type of friends that can just walk in and help themselves. The kind of friends you don't have to worry about when they come over... and the kind that are hard to find! Thank goodness they are at least in the same state!!